It’s Not Enough to be Nice!
A sermon delivered at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation (Blacksburg, VA), September 21, 2003, by the Reverend Christine Brownlie.
Several months later, at the 2004 Annual Congregational Meeting, the members of UUC voted by a large majority to become an official Welcoming Congregation. The Congregation received official recognition from the UUA that same year.
Reading 1
SURVIVING PARTNER OF SEPTEMBER 11th VICTIM TESTIFIES BEFORE SENATE SUBCOMMITTEE HEARING ON BANNING SAME-SEX CIVIL MARRIAGE RIGHTS
Keith Bradkowski Lost His Partner of 11 Years; Was Left Without Basic Protections and Benefits
WASHINGTON — Fighting back tears before a Senate subcommittee this afternoon, Keith Bradkowski, who lost his partner of 11 years, Jeff Collman, in the September 11th attacks, gave testimony at a hearing on the legal viability of the 1996 anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Bradkowski said that without the rights and protections of a civil marriage license, same-sex couples are left vulnerable where most other Americans are not.
“Jeff died without a will, which meant that while I dealt with losing him, I also had huge anxiety about maintaining the home we shared together. Without a marriage license to prove I was Jeff's next of kin, even inheriting basic household possessions became a legal nightmare,” said Bradkowski. “The terrorists who attacked this country killed people not because they were gay or straight — but because they were Americans. It is heart wrenching that our own government does not protect its citizens equally, gay and straight, simply because they are Americans.”
Reading 2
Elizabeth Birch, executive director of the Human Rights Campaign “Gay Americans are whole and complete human beings that serve in Congress, risk their lives by defending the country in the armed forces, and make valuable contributions across every spectrum of the society,” said Birch in her testimony. “We are patriotic citizens who are proud of our country, even as some in our nation are not proud of us. Gay Americans are tax payers who have paid and paid for decades for an American infrastructure that does not serve and protect us.”
Sermon
This is an important Sunday for our congregation. I sincerely and ferverntly hope that today will mark a turning point in our shared history, the day when this congregation makes a commitment to explore the possibility of becoming a Welcoming Congregation. This fifteen-year-old program, which was created by The Common Vision Planning Committee of the UUA, is designed to help congregations become aware of the ways in which they can create a more friendly and accepting environment for people whose sexual preference doesn’t fit the dominant paradigm of heterosexuality. This is in keeping with our declaration that we promote and affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every person.
For some of our long-term members, our efforts to launch another Welcoming Congregation program probably feels like “déjà vu all over again,” to quote my favorite baseball coach. This is, after all, a third attempt in five years to engage people in this program and get to the point where we are ready to vote on whether or not we want to become a recognized Welcoming Congregation. When I’ve talked with some of you about this new effort, you’ve shared a few comments which concern me. Some of you have asked me why I think we need to do this. You point out that we’re nice to everybody who comes through our doors on Sunday morning. We don’t treat people differently just because they’re gay. The second concern I’ve heard is that by focusing on one group of people, we are ignoring more serious issues of prejudice that affect a greater number in our community. Several of you have told me that you think classism is a much bigger issue for our congregation and for our religious movement in general. Why don’t we address that?
I take these comments seriously and I’ve given them a lot of thought. Now I’d like to share my response with you and to explain why I support the work of the Welcoming Congregation team. You need to know that they are the impetus behind this initiative, and I’m largely one of the cheerleaders.
Let me start with the perception that we are “welcoming” to everyone. If by welcoming you mean that we smile at our guests, that we share a hymnal with them if need be and some of us will introduce ourselves to the stranger we’ve sat next to for an hour, I’d agree. But to me, that’s simply being nice rather than welcoming.
Being welcoming — practicing the art of hospitality — means that we do whatever we can to make our guests feel comfortable and at home. It means taking the time to get to know someone beyond the polite questions like
“Is this your first time with us?”
and
“Would you like to sign up for the newsletter?”
It means speaking to people when they come back for a second, third, and fourth time, helping them meet other people in the congregation, helping them connect to groups that might be of interest to them. Being welcoming to someone means bringing them into the congregation and letting them know that we are glad that they are here. I have heard from a number of people — gay and straight, singles and couples, and of all ages — that people were nice to them on the first visit, but we didn’t make much effort to be welcoming on subsequent Sundays. The practice of true hospitality is a growing edge for our congregation as it is for many congregations. So yes, we need to be more welcoming to everyone.
Why do we need to be especially aware of creating an environment that says “welcome” to Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgendered (GLBT) people? The Rev. Douglas Morgan Strong writes
“For centuries, the church has been a leading force against sexual minorities. It is not surprising that gay people are reluctant to reach out to the very institution that oppresses them. Yet, this group of people has no less need for warmth, caring, and affirmation than anyone else who calls the liberal church their religious home. In fact, as a subculture in society gay, lesbian, [transgendered], and bi-sexual people may need our support more than the general population.”
Learning to be more welcoming and more sensitive to the cues that say, “welcome” is, for me, only a part of what this program is about. You see our efforts to be nice or even hospitable won’t be enough to address some of the painful realities of life for GLBT people in our society. And that reality is that this groups faces discrimination and inequity in all areas of their lives.
Let’s start with the basics. There are no laws in the Commonwealth of Virginia that protect GLBT students from harassment, and federal laws regarding hate crimes don’t apply to GLBT people. I meet with our teen group on a regular basis. and over the years I’ve heard stories about vicious and persistent acts of harassment in Blacksburg High School. I suspect that this cruel behavior starts much sooner. I believe that every child should be protected from harassment and bullying. We need to address this outrage in our schools
Out in the adult world, life isn’t much kinder. GLBT people can be fired if their boss doesn’t approve of their sexual orientation or even suspects that an employee may be GLBT. Landlords don’t have to rent to GLBT people. If they fall in love, they can’t enter into a legal marriage and since they can’t marry the hundreds of federal and state laws that grant rights to heterosexual couples do not cover the couple. Gay couples who decide to live together are denied many of the legal and financial benefits that heterosexual couples take for granted: the right to adopt children as a couple, the right to take medical leave if a partner becomes ill, the right to visit a partner in the hospital or even attend the funeral should the family of the deceased person object. As we heard in the reading that quoted Keith Bradkowski, who talked of the issues that he faced after his partner's death, in order to keep property acquired by the couple during their years together, he had to be named in a will. Because his partner didn't have a will, he faced losing his home and many possessions. But even a will isn't a guarantee since the relative of the deceased spouse can initiate a legal contest. Transgendered people who marry legally and who lose their spouse may find the legality of their marriage challenged when it comes time to settle the estate, even if there is a legal will naming the survivor as an heir Same-gender partners don’t enjoy the right to receive survivor benefits.
No other group of people in our society lives with the burden of such pervasive and systemic oppression as GLBT people. I believe that this oppression harms all of us and that we have a responsibility to look at these issues with a thoughtful mind and a compassionate heart.
I hope my words raise your awareness. Now I want to ask members of the WC team to speak to you of their own hopes for our congregation the hurts that of some of our own members, gay and straight as they have struggled with the consequences of our legal systems and the inequity that GLBT people live with.
Discrimination because of sexual orientation has no basis in a society that claims to treat everyone equally under the law. The prejudice against GLBT families, couples, and individuals is based on outmoded biases, personal religious beliefs, unfounded fears, and ignorance.
Being nice isn’t enough. We need to explore our own attitudes and feelings and experiences in order to understand what our society has taught us about homosexuality, bi-sexuality, and those who find that they are born into the wrong gender. We need to become educated about the social and legal issues that affect the lives of so many people who are caught up in this web of discrimination. We need to consider what response we as a congregation want to make to this important human rights issue.
The well-known Chinese proverb reminds us that the longest journey begins with a single step. Today the Welcoming Congregation Team is asking you to join them in a journey that they have already begun. You have received a pledge form, asking you to take a step and make commitment of a few hours to explore your own life and attitudes, and for all of us to learn and grow together as a congregation that is intentionally seeking diversity in our membership. We hope that you will chose to walk with us as we put our faith into action. For as the old song goes, we don’t want to run this race in vain.
Copyright 2003, Helen Christine Brownlie; Commercial Duplication Prohibited
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