Living with Chaos on Life’s Path

A sermon delivered at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of the New River Valley, August 1, 2004, by Celia Hayhoe, member of the Congregation and Cooperative extension specialist, Department of Apparel, Housing and Resource Management (Virginia Tech).

This summer while visiting my brother, I heard Andrea Golden, Ph.D., at the Spiritual Enrichment Center in Redding, CA. She spoke on “Chaos on Life’s Path: Moving On” and referred me to Thomas Troward’s book The Edinburgh & Doré Lectures on Mental Science, as the basis for her talk. When I heard her speak I thought she had written the talk with me in mind, that somehow she new exactly what I was feeling and needed to hear.

Why do some people’s lives seem to go smoothly while others’ lives seem to be chaotic? Accepting chaos as part of life’s path makes it easier to tolerate. When I was young, I thought that you found a career and by 30 had a job, family, home, and settled in for the next 35 years until you retired. However, my life has been spent on the move — either moving from job to job, state to state, country to country or traveling as part of my job. At every milestone of my life, I have said that this time I will settle down, and every time it has not come to pass. During these travels, I have come to realize that the most important things in my life are my daughter (Janice), the relationship with my brother and his family (all that is left of my immediate family), and helping others. These have come through all the Chaos, and that was where my path was leading me.

By “Chaos,” I am referring to those times in your life when things don’t go according to “your plans,” When you think you have found a job, a companion, or a community that you like and then for some reason you have to leave — or they leave. For me, it was moving around a lot as a child; studying to be a math teacher only to find that I wasn’t a disciplinarian; injuring my back and leaving the teaching job to recuperate; moving from Tucson to Texas to work in the hotel field in an attempt to make my first marriage work; after my first failed marriage, moving out of the country to start over; having a near-death experience when my car it black ice in Scotland (What did a girl from Tucson, AZ know about driving on black ice?); moving to Israel, re-injuring my back, and meeting my second husband; moving to Australia — he was Australian; getting divorced and moving back to Tucson with an 18 month old daughter and two suitcases to start over; getting my Ph.D. which led to moving from Tucson to find work; working in Oneonta, NY, on a temporary job for one year and then moving to Kentucky; not getting tenure in Kentucky; and moving to Blacksburg taking a job at a university that was going through change in a job that is still going through changes. Now, I am not saying that there have not been periods in my life where I thought things were going according to my plan of “you found a career and had a job, family, home, and settled in until you retired.” It just seems that every time I think that things are going according to plan something happens. And I ask the question, “Why me?”

Andrea Golden spoke of times when you are stuck and you need to let go and move on. Stuck in a career, a relationship, or letting go after a change. Sometimes, as I did with my marriages, we get to the point where we say “I’m done, I must move on.” Sometimes, as when I did not get tenure at the University of Kentucky, it seems that life gives you a kick and says it is time to move on — even though at the time you don’t see it.

Troward refers to the Law of Cause and Effect — or, you can think of it as stimulus and response. When we turn on a light switch we expect the light to go on. We don’t need to understand how electricity works, just how to operate the switch. When it doesn’t work we try some basic things to fix it, like changing the bulb or checking the fuse. If those do not work, we might seek help from someone who is more knowledgeable. I’m going to discuss some basics and then if you are still stuck you may want to talk with Chris for other ways to help you learn and move on.

When I get into the “Why me?” mode, I say “Enough is enough — no more.” A feeling — enough is enough — connected to a thought – no more. A feeling connected to a thought is the most powerful motivator. I use it all the time to help people connect their dreams to their goals in financial planning. Have you ever felt hungry and discovered that every ad on the TV or radio is about food? Your mind is saying pay attention, your body is hungry and you need to get food.

Just as the laws of nature are neutral — electricity can help us, but it can also kill us — the Law of Cause and Effect in our lives is neutral. It can keep you in the “poor me” or victim mentality, or it can help you change. We use the Law of Cause and Effect with our minds. The loving parent works hard to control their temper with their mind rather than go ballistic at the child who has not done his or her chores for the umpteenth time. You can try to change the child, but, in truth, the only person you can change is you. So when you’ve had enough, you have to change. It doesn’t matter if the other person changes. You have to control your temper. You have to set rules and consequences (causes and effects) about chores — hopefully with input from your child. Then, if the child doesn’t do his or her chores, the child needs to experience the consequences of those actions. Be sure you set consequences you can live with. If the child staying home from an activity means you have to stay home, then be prepared to stay home or have someone in line to come stay with the child so you can still go.

I am going to introduce the term “Spirit” into the equation. Being a Unitarian for approximately 14 years has taught me that you may call it by some other same. So you can think of Spirit as the human spirit within us, as a power that is beyond us — or both, whichever interpretation works best with you. When we want to do something, the Spirit always says yes because the Spirit is neutral just as the Law of Cause and Effect is neutral. It will help you stay a victim if you want to be a victim. If you are done being a victim, it will help you move on.

The Spirit’s job is to help us grow it the direction we want to go (conscientiously or subconsciously). I like to think that the Spirit is not strictly neutral but rather that it really wants to bring us to a better place: it has an imperative to help us grow and evolve as a person. So after letting you get stuck for a period of time it gives you a “kick” to say you can’t stay here, you have to move on. Moving on — starting over — becomes a challenge. The experience may be bad or good, but either can help us to evolve or change — to learn. Remember that you are just passing through. Good or bad this path too will change. Learn what it is trying to teach you. Become the better person Spirit wants you to be. Like the adage that when one door closes, another will open — be prepared for the next path. Use the paths to get to your dreams: those deep dreams that most of us share for happiness, love, peace, and clarity.

If you are not moving towards a new path, you should be. We all get stuck, we create stories in our minds to explain why things are they way they are and why we can’t change them. When this happens, we need to change the story — just like we changed the light bulb. Visualize yourself at the end of the path. Changing the story will put the Law of Cause and Effect into motion, and your mind will work to make the story true. You can think of it as “Magic.” Magic is seeing an illusion while something else is really happening. There are laws at work within us to bring our dreams into reality — even when it appears that something else is happening. The journey may have the illusion of being bad, but there is something at work to get you where you want to be. You have to trust the Spirit. Trust the Magic that it will get you where you want to go — even if you don’t like the path.

Understand that there is a Spirit either within, above — or both — that with the help of the Law of Cause and Effect, stimulus and response, will say “Yes!” to your deepest beliefs. Take time to examine your stories, and change the ones that are no longer true so that you can grow and evolve into the person you want to become. Get unstuck. Trust in the Magic, and release all the experiences that are no longer good for you and accept the new paths that open as a challenge.

When one door closes, another will open.

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